Rinat Saber, NLP-P, CPC, ELI-MP
|Saber Life Coaching |
When I say the word “values” what comes to mind? If you’re like most people, you’ll likely list a bunch of abstract qualities like – integrity, loyalty, honesty, trust. Maybe you would refer to a set of religious believes, patriotic ideas, or a code of morality. These are probably not your own unique set of values. They are something we can call social idealisms – socially acceptable ways of thinking and behaving. Social idealisms sound good but they don’t necessarily reflect the driving force that shape your perceptions, feelings, decisions and actions. I may genuinely believe that these are your values but they are more likely to reflect your ideas of how you should, ought to, or have to behave – not truly what you value most. Put bluntly, social idealisms are the values other people impose upon you.
So how do you identify social idealisms?
It’s really quite simple because they sound like generally good statements or abstract categories. I’ll give you an example…
- Treat others the way you want to be treated
- People should be honest
- A good Christian goes to church and reads the Bible
- Save money
Now, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with any the above. However, in sharp contrast to general ideals your true values are as specific to you as your fingerprint. Maybe what you truly value is walking in nature, listening to beautiful music and painting several times a week. Maybe you’re someone who loves the challenge of starting a new business, dress up in fancy suits and negotiating win-win deals. Maybe you love learning about herbal medicine, playing with your children and cooking healthy meals for your family. Just like your fingerprint unlocks the resourceful apps on your iPhone, so also your true values unlock your potential to accomplish extraordinary results.
I’m like a computer technician for your mind.
Where do we get these social idealisms?
We grow up with well meaning authority figures in our lives telling us how we ought to live, but just as no one can choose your fingerprint for you, no outside authority – parent, teacher, political leaders, or religious figures can define your values. Our true values are demonstrated by our consistent behaviors. Your parent’s may have lead you to believe that you should save money, but if buying a ticket to the latest movie, a new car, or the latest phone is more in line with you true values, you will spend instead of save. Only you can look inside your heart, mind and soul to discover what is truly most important to you. The truth is, people already act in accordance to their values, although they may not be aware of it. The problem occurs when people try to live outside of their highest values that they experience the ABCD’s of negativity.
What are the ABCD’s of negativity?
A – Anger
When you fail to do what you thought you “should”, you may become angry at yourself.
B – Blame
When you fail to do what you thought you “have to”, you may blame yourself.
C – Criticism
When you fail to do what you think you “ought to”, do you’re likely to self-criticize.
D – Despair
When you fail to do what you think you’re “supposed to”, you’ll probably fall into despair and depression. Guess what it’s all actually a gift!
What? How can you say depression is a gift?
Because it’s your way of getting yourself to set authentic goals according to your true values. It may seem that you’re “sabotaging” yourself, you can’t seem to stay focused or disciplined. You may even say “what is wrong with me, why can’t I do what I say I should do?” The ABCD’s of negativity are the pains that reveal how out of touch you are with your true values. On the contrary when you live according to your highest values you experience the 3 Surpluses.
What are the 3 Surpluses?
- Attention – We’ve all heard of Attention Deficit Disorder the truth is that we all have a degree of A.D.D. to the things we don’t value. When you live by your values you attention is drawn to the things most important to you. Two people could be driving through a busy city street, one whose highest value is fashion, would notice the small shoe boutique, while the other who loves bird watching notices the rare occasion of a Blue Robin on a tree.
- Retention – When you live by your highest values you will remember information that will help you attain your highest values. Any information you don’t value your brain automatically deletes while all the knowledge needed to fulfill your highest values will be quickly recalled.
- Intention – You will get a greater sense of energy when you pursue goals that are aligned with your highest values. If health is important to you, you’ll make sure to get to the gym, even if you had to give up other pleasure to do so. If your highest value is fashion then you’ll skip the gym to stop by your favorite mall.
You might be wondering what if my highest values don’t align with my goals.
- You may choose to change your goals
- You may link you goals to you highest values…more on that later.
The important thing to know now is that…“True fitness begins with the fitness of your mind”. Before you can become physically fit I’ll help prepare your mind to perform the activities that will get you the results fast then you thought possible. I’ll help you discover your true values, but before we do that I want to help you identify the social idealisms you have been living by. You’ll also begin to discover your true values by identifying what you love to do. For the exercises to work you must be completely honest with yourself even if it means naming something you don’t like about yourself.
What does this mean for you?
Fast and lasting change.
I upgrade outdated mental programming so you can benefit from any fitness strategy.
Exclusively at Health & Fitness Enterprises